We gather again in response to this change; across many miles, across divisions, across fractured and mangled memories and emotions. Each of us in a cell of suffering, in deep need of the reassuring comfort of togetherness and mutual love.Our grief is complicated by arbitrary divisions forced upon us. We feel a desire to draw together with everyone, to touch shared familial connections again - even if it is only briefly - but in some cases this is not possible. Even now, in our loss and sadness, we are assailed by cruelties from some of our own family members.
There are many indicators that Jehovah's Witnesses are (in their own words) a "false religion." Perhaps chief among them is the focus on punitive, judgmental, and hurtful behavior; and the diminished regard given to Jesus' messages of mercy, forgiveness, humility, and love. The passing of loved ones would be a natural opportunity to show compassion and love to everyone who has been injured by the passing. But in some cases, there is no love, mercy or humility available, because we have been judged by others as being unworthy. It is impossible to drink from a river of stone, so we must give up all traces of desire for any welcoming embrace from those whose hands and hearts are empty.
While our hearts are made open and vulnerable by grief, we need to take the opportunity to release those thoughts completely. Do not linger in the anger about what has been done or what has been denied. Surrender those needs for acceptance and reconciliation that cannot happen. And be reassured that we are perfect and deeply lovable as we are, without the blessings of the self-righteous.
On the outside, fate has united us in our knowledge of the hail of harsh words that have brought feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness knocking at each of our doors. But more importantly, we are united by blood and love. It is at times bittersweet, but it is dependable and true.
I am not with you in person, but I am with you in spirit. Recall that compassion is the highest expression of spirituality, and turn to each other with care and love.
One of the hardest things to accept is that whatever we got is all we can get. We have all grown up in a time when the surrounding culture told us that possibilities are limitless, and that counseling can fix almost anything. Sadly, that is a mirage. Imperfect products of imperfect origins, our parents could not be more than they were. It is up to us to release our pain and disappointment and choose to embrace whatever goodness we are able to recall. That is the real reason it is not good to speak ill of the dead - it injures the living.
Each of us is a walking contradiction. We can be vain and self-centered, or generous and open hearted - good or bad - sometimes in the same breath. Our parents have taught us many good lessons among the broken, fragmented ones. They are flowers with petals that are bruised or missing. It is up to us to seek comfort in our own ability to be compassionate and forgiving. If we are lucky, one day our own children and siblings will regard our shortcomings through the same filter.
I read the death notice in the Buffalo News today: "Bradford Richmond Bosley, Jehovah’s Witness minister, died Sept. 12." There is no mention of children or grandchildren, of his military service, or his career as an aircraft mechanic. It is an entire life telescoped down to the single fact that was most important to him, and is therefore a perfect metaphor for our shared experience with him.
He lived the life he chose, to the best of his abilities, as all of us do. We are saddened by his passing, a sadness made deeper for some of us by a sense of missed opportunity and a desire for more. More time, more closeness, more openness. Maybe even some acceptance.
Time does not heal all wounds. The passage of time merely allows us to adapt to injury; to accept it as a part of us and to continue living with it; gradually being less consumed by it's scalding pain. And from those wounds lovely flowers can grow, from somewhere deep inside.
To all of you whose hearts are open to me, I send my regret that I cannot be with you; and my love and fondest memories. Take care of each other. We will grow through this and emerge enriched.
Michael Tabor
September 16, 2011
Published in the Buffalo News on 16 September 2011 (after I wrote the text above):
BOSLEY - Bradford Richmond September 12, 2011. Bradford is survived by his wife Effie, his brother Charles A. Bosley, his children: daughters, Karen (nee Bosley) Soccio and Dorinda (Bill) Foos; sons, Daniel B. (Laura Murray, fiancé) and Mark R. (Toneisha); step-sons, Barn (Marlene) Black, Uland R. (Janice) Gladden, and James D. (Leinath) Gladden; step-daughters, Laureen Black and Yolanda (Terence) James. Friends may view Saturday from 4-8 PM at the JOHN E. ROBERTS FUNERAL HOME (Amherst Chapel), 280 Grover Cleveland Hwy. (at North Bailey) Amherst (same location as the Harry A. Wedekindt Funeral Home). Memorial Services will be held Sunday, September 18, 2011 at 7:00 PM from the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah Witnesses, 185 Kensington Ave. (Monticello Side), Buffalo, NY.
"Bradford, it was sad to learn of your passing as we were school mates and Cross Country runners for Burgard Vocational High School, both made "All Vocational" in 1949 I also learned that you came back for a fifth year and broke the course record..." K. Donald Evens (Colorado Springs, CO )
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/buffalonews/obituary.aspx?n=bradford-richmond-bosley&pid=153651903&fhid=5098
